Thein Reviews
Percy Jackson & the Sea of Monsters
I took a friend of mine of see this movie forever ago. I thought it was pretty good, but I haven't read any of the books. My friend, Thein, has. So here is their critique.
It should be noted at the beginning that I am shamelessly biased against the movie adaptations of the Percy Jackson & the Olympians books because I am an avid reader and lover of Rick Riordan's writing style and characters, and the movies effectively looked at the covers of the books, scanned their overviews, and got started on the scripts. I am a little bitter, also, because I watched the first movie after only reading the first book and decided it wasn't all that bad. At least, until I got my paws on the rest of the series and decided Hollywood needed to die.
Let's start with a more objective opinion: It was alright. It had the same tenuous connections its predecessor, The Lightning Thief, did, but the characters were a little more engaging and the fight scenes weren't disgustingly lame. Nathan Fillion (the star of Castle, Serenity, and Firefly) was a fantastic Hermes, even if I didn't like the way they introduced him. Anthony Head (Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) was an indisputably fitting Chiron, and I much preferred him to whoever the guy was who played the centaur in the first movie. Stanley Tucci (don't ask me) wasn't a terrible Mr. D, although he should have been more beer-bellied and unhealthy. In this film, Logan Lerman (lead, Percy Jackson) actually showed some acting ability besides astonishment, bewilderment, and cockiness. With her hair dyed, Alexandra Daddario was a remarkably fitting Annabeth, to such a point as I agreed with the casting. The guy playing Luke—Jake Abel—is still bad at the character, because there are years of bitterness and festering resentment under the cracking sanity that he can't seem to get a read on. I don't blame him in the slightest, because as any actor will tell you, the archetype's backstories are always the worst. But if I close my Percy Jackson fan-eyes, I can appreciate the effort behind the movie.
But then I open them, and everything falls apart.
Where were Thalia, Clarisse, and The Oracle of Delphi in the last movie? Firstly, the Oracle is barely mentioned in The Sea of Monsters—Clarisse repeats her prophecy at the very end of the book—and she certainly doesn't tell Percy everything the first time he talks to her. Now, we’re going to have to deal with him mustering the courage for the final showdown for three more movies . . . when I barely survived the handful of paragraphs in The Last Olympian. Can we please not? And this whole “ . . . shall reach twenty against all odds . . .” piece is giving me an eye-twitch. I could recite all the prophecies from Riordan’s books from memory until The Mark of Athena drew my undivided attention, and I can still tell you, word for word, what the original prophecy was.
A half-blood of the eldest gods
shall reach sixteen against all odds.
And see the world in endless sleep.
A hero’s soul, cursed blade shall reap.
A single choice shall end his days,
Olympus to preserve or raze.
Above is Rick Riordan’s First Great Prophecy--the thing that causes everything in the original book series, from Percy’s feeling of abandonment to the gods’ frequent desire to torch him because he might destroy them. The movie changes a few crucial things: A) Percy is now twenty when the events go down, meaning that things happen about a year faster than they’re supposed to and he’s a grown man, negating the importance of his mother and Paul and pretty much disregarding a huge part of his motivation in the books. B) It is now “an evil soul,” meaning Luke Castellan dies a selfish, two-faced coward and not the honorable man he passes as in the books.
A brief mention to the conversation between Percy, Annabeth, and Grover right after the huge Arena competition at the beginning (one of the few good points of the movie, because I always wanted more about general life at Camp Half-Blood): Grover and Annabeth keep talking about things like the Golden Dragon and the quest for the Sword of Hades and pretty much all the stories that take place in The Demigod Files, a collection of short stories that don’t even occur until the lag-time between The Battle of the Labyrinth and The Last Olympian, the last two books--events that are long from occurring. Aside from pure temporal inconsistencies, the only thing Clarisse had anything to do with was the Chariot of Ares; otherwise it was Percy, Annabeth, Silena and Beckendorf; and Percy, Nico (who isn’t even a thing yet) and Thalia. So, effectively, they squatted over The Demigod Files and defecated on it.
Then the Colchis bull attacks and pandemonium follows. This is the one part of the movie I quite literally don’t have anything bad to say about (okay, that’s a lie). The way it showed Camp Half-Blood immediately coming to arms was much better, entertainment-wise, then how it happened in the book--Percy, Annabeth, and Tyson step out from The Chariot of Damnation and see Half-Blood Hill smoldering while Clarisse and a few other campers struggle against five Colchis bulls. With a single bull containing all the facets you’d expect of Hephaestus’ inventions, things were a lot more compelling than the brief scene in the book, included strictly as a transition. The movie made it into a plot point--an actual motive for Camp Half-Blood to create a quest out of self-defense. I love how Tyson just held the bull off instead of decimating the enemy, because it leaves room for strengthening into his eventual role of Cyclops General.
But then they had to bring Luke into it. For gods’ sake, just use a dream sequence like Uncle Rick does--you’re already borrowing pieces from future books, take a dream to reveal he’s still alive. Or, better yet, don’t kill him in the first movie! Yeah, that’s an idea.
Onto the plot: Thalia’s tree is dying, Percy chats with the Oracle while Annabeth decides the Golden Fleece is Camp Half-Blood’s only shot (Why is she on an iPad? Camp Half-Blood is officially vulnerable again, and she’s using something that draws unwanted attention to the demigods. Grover would kill her.) and Dionysus steals Annabeth’s idea and elects Clarisse. Percy and Annabeth recruit Grover to go get the Fleece, and Tyson tags along unwanted. They take the Chariot of Damnation (at least they read that scene, because it virtually verbatim, except for the circumstances around it. I love the addition: “The Chariot of Damnation.” “It looks like a New York taxi cab.” “Same difference.”) and get stuck in Washington D.C. They confront Hermes, who--as I correctly predicted--was a wonderfully appropriate part for Nathan Fillion. Catch the Princess Andromeda, Percy escapes using the invisible tape, and then the whole fight starts up. The surfing on the wave part was sort of cool. They use the can of air Hermes gave them, Tyson drops it in the Sea of Monsters, and they wind up in Charybdis’ stomach.
Note: In the book, they rest on an island, get attacked by a hydra, and run across Clarisse that way. Percy and Annabeth are separated when Clarisse tries to take on Charybdis, and wind up on Circe’s Island--which is not an amusement park, and actually my favorite part of the book. I’m sorry, Percy getting turned into a guinea pig and Annabeth going all, “How about a panther with her claws at her throat?” to Circe was so cool. This lousy abandoned carnival forgot about the magic of the Golden Fleece, because it’s supposed to make things flourish and lively. Polyphemus is complacent and fat when they get to him, not angry and raging because he hasn’t had any satyrs. At least they made Grover a lady Cyclops, like they were supposed to. I smiled then.
So, interlude between getting eaten and finding Polyphemus: They find Clarisse down under on a ship of Confederate zombies (taken out of the book), and blow a hole in the intestine of Charybdis. Then they find Circe Land, and I stifle a scream in the movie theater, because where is Blackbeard and Hylla and Reyna and--Arg! Grover is speaking in falsetto, which I think is funnier because he was badly cast in the first place. They steal the Golden Fleece from Polyphemus, get Grover out, and are confronted by Luke’s goons. Tyson throws himself in front of an arrow for Percy and falls off a cliff, contradicting the previously established point that sons of Poseidon can’t control the Sea of Monsters, because he survives to save Percy later on. Percy, Annabeth, Grover, and Clarisse are taken captive and forced to watch Kronos get reborn (way too freaking early!), Percy tries and fails to stop it, and then kills Kronos with Riptide--alone. No godly assistance or anything.
Just . . . I--Why?--When?--Y--They . . . Just . . .
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What monkey are they pulling out of their *censored* butt for the next movies? Luke is now indisputably dead, official Polyphemus-meat. Let me spell this out in a simple addition statement: Luke + Dead in Second Movie = Final Installment? What Final Installment?
Kronos. Possesses. Luke. Castellan. In. The Last Olympian. You. Freaking. Degenerates! If. You’re. Going. To. Make. A book-adaptation. Read. The ENTIRE. Series. First. So. You. Don’t. Burn. Your. Bridges. In. The. First. Movie. MORONS!
And I swear, if Ethan-freaking-Nakamura walks out with gold eyes and a cool do, I’m torching that studio.
Let's start with a more objective opinion: It was alright. It had the same tenuous connections its predecessor, The Lightning Thief, did, but the characters were a little more engaging and the fight scenes weren't disgustingly lame. Nathan Fillion (the star of Castle, Serenity, and Firefly) was a fantastic Hermes, even if I didn't like the way they introduced him. Anthony Head (Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) was an indisputably fitting Chiron, and I much preferred him to whoever the guy was who played the centaur in the first movie. Stanley Tucci (don't ask me) wasn't a terrible Mr. D, although he should have been more beer-bellied and unhealthy. In this film, Logan Lerman (lead, Percy Jackson) actually showed some acting ability besides astonishment, bewilderment, and cockiness. With her hair dyed, Alexandra Daddario was a remarkably fitting Annabeth, to such a point as I agreed with the casting. The guy playing Luke—Jake Abel—is still bad at the character, because there are years of bitterness and festering resentment under the cracking sanity that he can't seem to get a read on. I don't blame him in the slightest, because as any actor will tell you, the archetype's backstories are always the worst. But if I close my Percy Jackson fan-eyes, I can appreciate the effort behind the movie.
But then I open them, and everything falls apart.
Where were Thalia, Clarisse, and The Oracle of Delphi in the last movie? Firstly, the Oracle is barely mentioned in The Sea of Monsters—Clarisse repeats her prophecy at the very end of the book—and she certainly doesn't tell Percy everything the first time he talks to her. Now, we’re going to have to deal with him mustering the courage for the final showdown for three more movies . . . when I barely survived the handful of paragraphs in The Last Olympian. Can we please not? And this whole “ . . . shall reach twenty against all odds . . .” piece is giving me an eye-twitch. I could recite all the prophecies from Riordan’s books from memory until The Mark of Athena drew my undivided attention, and I can still tell you, word for word, what the original prophecy was.
A half-blood of the eldest gods
shall reach sixteen against all odds.
And see the world in endless sleep.
A hero’s soul, cursed blade shall reap.
A single choice shall end his days,
Olympus to preserve or raze.
Above is Rick Riordan’s First Great Prophecy--the thing that causes everything in the original book series, from Percy’s feeling of abandonment to the gods’ frequent desire to torch him because he might destroy them. The movie changes a few crucial things: A) Percy is now twenty when the events go down, meaning that things happen about a year faster than they’re supposed to and he’s a grown man, negating the importance of his mother and Paul and pretty much disregarding a huge part of his motivation in the books. B) It is now “an evil soul,” meaning Luke Castellan dies a selfish, two-faced coward and not the honorable man he passes as in the books.
A brief mention to the conversation between Percy, Annabeth, and Grover right after the huge Arena competition at the beginning (one of the few good points of the movie, because I always wanted more about general life at Camp Half-Blood): Grover and Annabeth keep talking about things like the Golden Dragon and the quest for the Sword of Hades and pretty much all the stories that take place in The Demigod Files, a collection of short stories that don’t even occur until the lag-time between The Battle of the Labyrinth and The Last Olympian, the last two books--events that are long from occurring. Aside from pure temporal inconsistencies, the only thing Clarisse had anything to do with was the Chariot of Ares; otherwise it was Percy, Annabeth, Silena and Beckendorf; and Percy, Nico (who isn’t even a thing yet) and Thalia. So, effectively, they squatted over The Demigod Files and defecated on it.
Then the Colchis bull attacks and pandemonium follows. This is the one part of the movie I quite literally don’t have anything bad to say about (okay, that’s a lie). The way it showed Camp Half-Blood immediately coming to arms was much better, entertainment-wise, then how it happened in the book--Percy, Annabeth, and Tyson step out from The Chariot of Damnation and see Half-Blood Hill smoldering while Clarisse and a few other campers struggle against five Colchis bulls. With a single bull containing all the facets you’d expect of Hephaestus’ inventions, things were a lot more compelling than the brief scene in the book, included strictly as a transition. The movie made it into a plot point--an actual motive for Camp Half-Blood to create a quest out of self-defense. I love how Tyson just held the bull off instead of decimating the enemy, because it leaves room for strengthening into his eventual role of Cyclops General.
But then they had to bring Luke into it. For gods’ sake, just use a dream sequence like Uncle Rick does--you’re already borrowing pieces from future books, take a dream to reveal he’s still alive. Or, better yet, don’t kill him in the first movie! Yeah, that’s an idea.
Onto the plot: Thalia’s tree is dying, Percy chats with the Oracle while Annabeth decides the Golden Fleece is Camp Half-Blood’s only shot (Why is she on an iPad? Camp Half-Blood is officially vulnerable again, and she’s using something that draws unwanted attention to the demigods. Grover would kill her.) and Dionysus steals Annabeth’s idea and elects Clarisse. Percy and Annabeth recruit Grover to go get the Fleece, and Tyson tags along unwanted. They take the Chariot of Damnation (at least they read that scene, because it virtually verbatim, except for the circumstances around it. I love the addition: “The Chariot of Damnation.” “It looks like a New York taxi cab.” “Same difference.”) and get stuck in Washington D.C. They confront Hermes, who--as I correctly predicted--was a wonderfully appropriate part for Nathan Fillion. Catch the Princess Andromeda, Percy escapes using the invisible tape, and then the whole fight starts up. The surfing on the wave part was sort of cool. They use the can of air Hermes gave them, Tyson drops it in the Sea of Monsters, and they wind up in Charybdis’ stomach.
Note: In the book, they rest on an island, get attacked by a hydra, and run across Clarisse that way. Percy and Annabeth are separated when Clarisse tries to take on Charybdis, and wind up on Circe’s Island--which is not an amusement park, and actually my favorite part of the book. I’m sorry, Percy getting turned into a guinea pig and Annabeth going all, “How about a panther with her claws at her throat?” to Circe was so cool. This lousy abandoned carnival forgot about the magic of the Golden Fleece, because it’s supposed to make things flourish and lively. Polyphemus is complacent and fat when they get to him, not angry and raging because he hasn’t had any satyrs. At least they made Grover a lady Cyclops, like they were supposed to. I smiled then.
So, interlude between getting eaten and finding Polyphemus: They find Clarisse down under on a ship of Confederate zombies (taken out of the book), and blow a hole in the intestine of Charybdis. Then they find Circe Land, and I stifle a scream in the movie theater, because where is Blackbeard and Hylla and Reyna and--Arg! Grover is speaking in falsetto, which I think is funnier because he was badly cast in the first place. They steal the Golden Fleece from Polyphemus, get Grover out, and are confronted by Luke’s goons. Tyson throws himself in front of an arrow for Percy and falls off a cliff, contradicting the previously established point that sons of Poseidon can’t control the Sea of Monsters, because he survives to save Percy later on. Percy, Annabeth, Grover, and Clarisse are taken captive and forced to watch Kronos get reborn (way too freaking early!), Percy tries and fails to stop it, and then kills Kronos with Riptide--alone. No godly assistance or anything.
Just . . . I--Why?--When?--Y--They . . . Just . . .
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What monkey are they pulling out of their *censored* butt for the next movies? Luke is now indisputably dead, official Polyphemus-meat. Let me spell this out in a simple addition statement: Luke + Dead in Second Movie = Final Installment? What Final Installment?
Kronos. Possesses. Luke. Castellan. In. The Last Olympian. You. Freaking. Degenerates! If. You’re. Going. To. Make. A book-adaptation. Read. The ENTIRE. Series. First. So. You. Don’t. Burn. Your. Bridges. In. The. First. Movie. MORONS!
And I swear, if Ethan-freaking-Nakamura walks out with gold eyes and a cool do, I’m torching that studio.